My Thoughts, My Life, As An Open Book

Good Times

2009-03-30T18:09:00Z

Things are going pretty good at the moment. Missy and I did get into a spat Friday night, which kind of submarined our plans Saturday night, which entailed her talking Mike into coming to a bar in Rockford with us to meet her single friends. He came home, and was dissapointed when it didn't happen, but we salvaged night by picking up Jen and Nick and hitting up JimeZ's. Apparently it was Nick's bro's 21st birthday, but let's just say Nick lacks in the whole "introduction" department, so I didn't even get introduced to the guy let alone meet him. Ah well, still a good night. Apparently one can still get drunk when not a mile high eh? Mike'll do that to ya if you challenge him.

Things are patched up with Missy though, which is a good thing. She was pretty pissed off Friday night and Saturday though, and then on Sunday she was like "well shit, I was being really irrational, sorry". I think that's the only time a fight has ended with the girl apologizing like that. Chalk it up to hormones? If so, the next 7 months should be fun, haha.

November 1st is the official due date. Still scared as hell mind you, but getting a little hint of excitement on the horizon.

Trying to get things straight in my head in terms of what I'm doing with my life now. Obviously the game plan has changed some, but I need to explore options to see if I can swing doing everything I still want to do. Here's hoping.

On a side note, I LOVE Seether's rock/metal cover of "Careless Whisper". Fucking amazing. All I gotta say. Well, they pretty much kick ass as a band anyways, so it's to be expected.

Strange Fate?

2009-03-20T16:21:08Z

In a weird twist of fate (probably being over-dramatic here) on the way to the ultra-sound yesterday my brake line blew and I lost the ability to stop my car in any reasonable amount of time. Therefore, I drove it to parent's house and took Sean's car. Problem was, we missed our appointment, so Missy rescheduled. Next Thursday...

Kind of pissed me off. As nervous as I was about it, I was getting excited. The thought is sinking in and I'm getting a little...well...excited would have to be the word. Some of my friends who've been in the same position as I am in have gotten a hold of me and are saying that at first they were scared as hell, but then it's just...awesome. Given, none of them are still with their baby mommas, but keeping a relationship around just because of a child is not the best idea in my opinion. They still see their kid all the time, so you just do what you gotta do I suppose. Missy and I have agreed that regardless of what either of us do, we'd stay non-hostile towards each other and never use the kid against one another. She still wants me to move back to Chicago, stating that if I don't due to the baby that I would regret it and resent her for it. I don't know, there's a lot running through my mind these days. We are, however, spending the weekend in Chicago. I haven't gotten to play "tour guide" since my brother first visited me, so this should be fun. Hopefully it won't rain!

Doot Doot Doot

2009-03-16T18:00:49Z

I tells ya. The one perk of being on unemployment is getting to work outside on the house during days like today. Yesterday was clean the garage day, today is clean the car/do laundry/call people to pick up large garbage/walk the dog a lot day. It's kind of mouthful...maybe I'll shrink it down to... CtCDLCPtPULGWtDaL Day? That's much better. So in honor of CtCDLCPtPULGWtDaL Day, I feel the need to open up the windows, pump some good tunes, and get my ass outside. After I'm done eating a healthy bowl of "Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys" of course. Days like today I do NOT miss the city. Although I do love the city in the summer time...

Thursday is going to be a big day. I'm a little nervous about it. First ultra-sound and all. And if everything is ok, I'm going to tell the family about it. I'm terrified to do so...I already feel like the "fuck-up" child of the bunch. Trying not to focus my thoughts on it. So on that note, back to CtCDLCPtPULGWtDaL Day. Hopefully even the employed will get a chance to enjoy the weather today.

Wow

2009-03-09T16:20:21Z

Well, I gotta put it somewhere, and there's really no point in hiding from it anymore, because it's there, and it's not going away. Come roughly November 6th, I will be a daddy. Yes, I know, WHOA. Thus ends the time of having care-free fun on weekends, going out to the bars any night that one sees fit, and not having to stock-pile money for any particular reason. Quite the way to force somebody to grow up eh?

Missy and I have been "dating" for a while now, the quotations emphasize that we hung out all the time, but nothing physical at first. I am unclear on what officially dating entails these days, seeing as how 14 year olds are sleeping with each other but not "dating"...they're just fucking... We get along really well, which is a good thing, and I do enjoy her company.

Still scared as hell though...

Her and her mother are trying to convince me to still move back to Chicago and finish out my schooling for my MA or PsyD. I don't know if I want to exactly do that though, and lessen myself to that of the weekend father. They are quick to remind me that they are capable to handling everything while I'm away...but I don't know. I kind of want to be there for my kid. I'm also afraid that this will tear the relationship we have apart, as I don't think we're to a point in our relationship that can sustain a baby. Maybe we are though, and I'm just being overly negative about it. To be honest though, I'm beginning to get a little excited about it. I always thought I'd make a good father... I sort of hope it's a girl. Would be fun to intimidate her future boyfriends. I'll have to buy a large gun to hang on the wall for just such occassions...

Well, I haven't told my family yet. Really not sure how they will take the news. Told my friends though, and so far, I've either gotten the open mouth "whoa" response, or the "oh my God that's awesome!" response. Funny enough, guys = "whoa" and the girls have been "oh my God!"

Shaggy

2008-12-05T15:33:40Z

I need to shave, however I lack the motivation to do this. Does that make me lazy? I would like to think that I don't have the TIME to do it, and thus I'm just really busy? That or due to the lack of heat outside, a beard is my way of staying warm. Eh, either way I look like the fucking Uni-Bomber. Should shave, have trial today. I'm actually nervous for it too. Like, really nervous. Last time I went through this, I had to sit on the stand and watch the face of the mother who I was legally taking her kids away from. I mean, yeah, she was a horrible mother, but to actually watch her give you that "why would you do this to me?" look while crying as you state that you feel that the children should be taken away from her permanently and adopted is rather hard. Probably going through it again today, though I don't think this mother will actually care that much. As horrible as that sounds...

I probably should shave before going in there. Though I did work about 13 hours yesterday, so I'm going to take my sweet ass time going in this morning, that's for sure. Salary jobs fucking suck like that. "Oh, you worked 13 hours today? Tough shit, here's pay for 8 of those hours".

Anywho...

Potential for going to the Bear's game Sunday. I know a guy who knows a girl who has tickets (Mike's mom...just sounds cooler the other way) and if his dad doesn't want to go with him, the ticket is mine! Here's hoping.

Sidenote: what the fuck is that mouse doing? Is that actually how a person displays being nervous? Turning red and going into a seizure? I must have missed that memo :(

Hrmm...

2008-12-03T15:34:55Z

Should be at work right now, but my first visit was cancelled, so I'm taking my sweet time getting to work today. Worked so much the past couple days, I don't think it will be an issue. I do need to drive to Dixon today for an assessment interview...ugh. I swear, this social work shit is so awesomely axciting! At least I get to spend hours in my car listening to music...

Times like this I wish I had stayed in Chicago working at Uhlich. Them kids were seven shades of crazy though. I guess it would've stayed exciting though? Haha.

Off into the snow I go!

Though I do love snow. So purty.

*Mental Note* Stop using "though" so much while writing and in conversation...

Wasting some time

2008-11-27T01:41:51Z

So I got some time to kill before meeting up with people out in Rockford. To be honest, this is one of the first times I'm going out to the bars in Rockford, and not Roscoe or Rockton. Exciting I guess?

Anyways...

Got a lot on my mind nowadays. It's been years in the making, but Chrissy and I are no longer even speaking to each other. That's an odd feeling that I'm starting to get used to, since we've managed to be really good friends over the years...but I guess it just proves that some people just go together like oil and water. We'll both be alright, and now I guess I can finally cut that line that's been holding on over the years. It's probably a good thing.

One of my really good friends that I met through work (my lunch buddy) is dying.... Wow, that sounds weird to say. Her and I have been hanging out a lot because we just get along...but she found out a month ago that she's got roughly a few months left due to an infection in her brain that's spread too much to operate on. I don't think I've fully realized what that exactly means...I don't do well with loss. I can't even imagine what she's going through. Being told at 27 that you're about to die. I mean...I can't even fathom what that would be like. She doesn't really like talking about it, nor do I.

Work is still fucking crazy. My new boss went from being out to get me (she was finding the most mundane details and writing me up for them) until I wrote a letter and got her ass in trouble. Now she's actually nice to me and trusts me to conduct the team meetings and go solo in court now. I take that as a huge plus, since she doesn't let any other program coordinators there do it solo. She always has to do it for them or hold their hand through it, and they have the nerve to bitch about how hard the job is. I dislike my co-workers now that my lunch buddy quit. The place is just...different; so serious and negative. Less fun I suppose, and lunch alone = the suck. At least I get to make my own hours though. That's usually a very, very good thing.

Well...like I said, lot on my mind lately. I guess I just needed to get it out there. On that note, something else I've been thinking of a lot over the past few months...is it possible to resurect a friendship that essentially died years ago due to...well...me and a misunderstanding? And if so, how does one apologize for letting it die and being kind of asshole during the process?

My head asplode! again!

2008-07-23T01:05:08Z

Haha, things get weird at times don't they? I mean it's like, everything going one way, then they go sideways, and backways, and upways and downways. It's enough to make your head asplode I'm thinking.

Regardless of which ways things decide to be a going, I gotta say, life is good. Although Saturday night at Lottie's (one of my new favorite Chicago bars) this drunk girl tried to hook me up with her gay British friend...he thought I was hot, so I mean, I'm not totally upset that she thought I was gay...but I mean...I didn't think I had a gay vibe going on. Perhaps I do. Do they make a pill for that? Haha.

Aaaaanywho...

Rockford isn't too terrible to live in that the moment. Not that I'm a fan of it or anything, but I gotta say, going into Chicago every weekend does make it tolerable. That and I'm making a lot of good connections via attorney's, DCFS high ups, and even Judge Heaslip...though I personally think he's an asshole. I was kind of told by the head of the DCFS union that I need to apply to DCFS, but that means commitment, since they pay A LOT more than Illinois Mentor does...and I still want to go back to school full time...

Decisions, decisions...

Perhaps I'll just transfer my liscence back into Chicago and case manage at one of the hospitals I worked at...now there's an idea...

Meh, a horrible post...not sure why I did it really. If you actually read all of it, I'm sorry, it was nonsense :P Speaking of nonsense, I totally want to take my vacation in Las Vegas. Who's in!?

Not sot bewithced blanket

2008-05-17T07:35:19Z

So there is this huges shotsy about a foster parent i work with in regairds to this bewithcehd blanket, and it's a weird and funny storys lemme stells ya, but right now i'm too sdrunks to talk about it. Maybe tomorrow. Anyways, i'm pissed tonight. for a coultple of reasons. For one, finding out tha tyou've just been used for years just downright sucks. People have trie dot tells me, but i didn't want to listen. It's int my face now. I nee to mod ve on. Plains and simple. I feel like shit, so i got drunks. Forigve the fandoms in thsi here.

Secondlsy. A firneyd os mine has been recently disucussed with me that her huvsband is a piece of shit and i feel s the nedds to kicks his ass. Seriolusly the things iv've herac about hism is not oogod. A personaly adjustmant with a 2x4 is needed i my opinoin. tHat is not coolw ith me . She's a gereat person, sodoesn't deserves his ass-ed-nesss.

Thidrydl. Become flclose friends with a foster parent of imine who is very nice nad knowlydge. She goes ona bout how therare gare few good gusy eleft out ther and about how i needs to find love out thers somewehre and that good smens desveruce good women. but i don'st think i'm a good gus. Done some bad thingsy to peple i care about. hows tdo you make ammends to people youv'e hurt because you were dumb? i Guess all ic an hpe is that they move on and are happy s without me in their lives at all. Probalby bester off that ways anways. It sbothers me aths she thinks si'm one of the good sgusy. I don't feel that iam. I wish i cknew how to say si'm sorry and make it mean something...

Hrmmm

2008-04-29T14:28:07Z

While waiting for my laundry to dry so I can go to work not too incredibly late, I decided to write something in here. So umm...hrmm...

Things are going great. Living in South Beloit again is alright I suppose. Quiet, slow, dull, but not too bad. Going to Chicago every weekend is definitely helping me remain sane though. I must say, it's more fun everytime I go :P

Friday night consisted of a girl we had never met before's birthday party at a bar and free, yes free, drinks till 11. We showed up at 10:40, but definitely made it worthwhile. Saturday was calm and cool, and Sunday night we went to see Chrissy's potential new roommate who was playing at the Elbo Room on Lincoln. It was a pretty cool place, kind of set up like you're watching a band play in someone's basement or something. Violet Vicious and the Vagabands, check them out on Myspace.

Ok, done with the shameless promotions :P

Clothes are dry, I'm out the door!

Da Boogy Dat Be?

2008-03-18T22:58:14Z

In a really good mood, which is nice. I have to say, going out to lunch w/ Lisa and Renee and just having a good old fashion bitch fest about work was really what I needed, haha. Well, they did most of the bitching, but it was still good. I'm still in that, "new guy so don't cause too many waves yet b/c you're not even sure what's what just so long as you get to make a name for yourself as a managetorial caseworker, regardless of how many people you leave dead and bloodied along the way!" phase. It's a very long and complicated phase apparently, haha.

But today was liberating. For once I felt confident enough in my cases to actually tell people off who were trying to fuck me over. I mean, at first you're nice and whatnot, because you're not quite sure. But after you get your feet wet, you realize what's what and that you make the rules, not them. Though I do feel bad for telling off Marty Kaiser at Hononegah. He's a nice guy and didn't deserve my lip, however he was trying to back pedal on doing the ICAP for a really dumb ass reason that doesn't even make sense...but he's still a nice guy. More than I can say for Tiffany and Jaqueline. They deserved it. And they got it.

A good feeling indeed.

Now if only I could convince one of my kids to quit assaulting people with guns I would be set. Way too much paper work to do....

Don't worry, he never shot it, it had no bullets. But I mean, why do that, then run off to Minnesota and hide out for months, and then answer the phone when I call you and tell me where you are? Seriously, where's the thought process?

I tell you, casework has it's moments.

They Have the Internet on Computers Now?

2008-03-17T06:13:33Z

HAHAHAHAH!!! I have internet again! It's been...about 4 or 5 weeks since I've had internet access on a semi reasonably constant lvl. I mean, I could borrow a computer from someone to check e-mail, but that was about it. Wow, it's so sad how excited I was about it, and now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it.

New job is going quite well, the re-examining and re-qualifying of a relationship is going well, and we're actually sticking to it which is nice. I have to quit doing my job when I'm not actually at work. The other night, I met my friend's sister's friend and she got upset about her ex-boyfriend and whatnot, and I totally did the whole drunk-therapist thing. I think I did good though, she ended up crying a little, hugged me, and then was really super happy for the rest of the night. Maybe she just needed to vent? Maybe she got super happy because she got drunk? Who knows, I can't exactly remember the details of the conversation. Ah St. Patty's weekend... No green beer though. I mean, you go to an Irish bar in Chicago on St. Patty's weekend and don't get green beer...it's a let down lemme tell ya. But I did get introduced to my new favoritest dance move of all time, The Shopping Cart :P The Guitar Heroine was a close second, but I can't quite pull off the finger movements for that one... People must've thought we were all on drugs or something. People act too serious at bars sometimes. I mean, if you act weird because you're drunk, you get looked at like you're insane, even though you're just having a good time with your friends. Like when you're all in the corner of the bar doing the shopping cart. I mean c'mon, it's THE SHOPPING CART!

Anyways, enough with this completely pointless entry. Past bedtime anyways, and once again, I have court in the morning. I swear these courtdates are all back to back just to fuck with me.

Random Pondering

2008-01-29T05:09:31Z

I'll save you all from my random pondering tonight. It was super long. A post got me thinking for a really long time about a "clean slate" as she put it. I know I've tried to wipe the slate clean a few times...I'm just not strong enough to follow through with it.

I Feel Shallow

2008-01-23T17:48:22Z

I kind of hate myself for enjoying getting "happy birthday" messeges on facebook and voice mail as much as I did. I don't know why, that's kind of the whole point behind them. Meh, maybe I'm just being an ass :)

Kind of a weird vibe in the apartment today. It's clean, smells nice, my music is mellow for a change (no metal today), and it's...warm. Is it weird that that's weird? Haha. Who knows, I'm in a super good mood, so I don't really care. That, and Mike has a date tonight, so that's always cause for a good mood. From what I gathered when I met her, she's a lawyer (go Mike go!), has a fascination for Disney movies, and is pretty good looking if you ask me. I'm excited for him, and he's kind of...floating today, it's funny. Is it odd that him having a date tonight is putting me in such a great mood? Ah well, things are on the good, I hope you all are having a great day too. Time to write more essays.

Funny, I Don't Feel 1/4 of a Century Old...

2008-01-22T18:45:58Z

I'm sitting here finishing up some more graduate school apps, and I'm thinking to myself "I need to waste time before work", so here I am. I'm such a go-getter it's scary :P

In the news: I started officially working at UCAN yesterday, the people are great, the kids are funny, it's a good place to be, HOWEVER, I think I'm quitting it next week because I got another job. Yes, that's right, I got another job that is going to put me in some accelerated class and get me liscenced as a case manager so I can start working for them. The catch? It's in Rockford! So next week I think I'm moving out of the city and into my brother's house, since moving back in the parents = NO!

Pros: I will be able to save up a shit ton of money since I won't be paying rent or anything, and this job pays pretty well. Saving up money before going to grad school = good. My brother's house is large and awesome. The job is a great opportunity. I will get to spend time with my Eva. Chicago is expensive and though I've been able to float by, saving up some money before school would be very very very nice. I will probably be moving back to Chicago in August anyways.

Cons: I will miss Chrissy something fierce. Even though we're not together anymore, I still spend the majority of my freetime with her (she bribes me with her delicious cooking) and sleeping alone = the suck. Chicago is super fun and Rockford is boring. I just started hanging out with this group of people I met recently and they're all cool people, and I'm pretty sure my social life in Roscoe will consist of Fire Haus with my brother and coming to Chicago on my days off. He does have a hot tub, so maybe a kickin' summer BBQ party thing will be in order...hrmm... I'm in my lease until April.

So there it is, I've been trying to decide what to do for a little while now, though I'm pretty sure moving back home and saving up some money and getting my first Illinois Liscence is probably the right move. Most of my friends agree with me here, but some of the new ones I've met seem to want me to stick around. Chicago's treated me very well, and I've had some great times (some of which I don't quite remember...), and hopefully I'll be back in August for school, so I'm crossing my fingers on it. Well, I guess I should go into work early and tell my boss that I'm leaving in a week...he's going to be so pissed, haha.

/Yawn!

2008-01-11T17:12:19Z

So tired. This training/orientation for 9 or 10 hours a day everyday this week sucks. I mean, it might not be so bad if it were at least borderline interesting, or if the people doing it weren't just reading us a packet they just handed us. I swear, they have no idea what they're doing and have obviously never done it before. During the computer program training, the program wasn't working, and it took the trainer an hour to figure out that she had us open the wrong program. We wanted to open up the program titled "Training: Shift Status Reports"....I wanted to kill her.

At least all of this idiocy gives us down time to chit chat with people. I have to say that so far my coworkers are pretty awesome, and the only other young person (under age of 35) is this girl that reminds me of Carrie so much it's creepy. She's cool though, and Mike and I met up with her and her friends last night at this Spanish Bar that has Karaoke and the owner/bartender plays a Saxophone (sp?) to go along with the songs. It was a good time, and Mike was getting hit on by this relatively attractive girl, and after an hour, he FINALLY realized it. I swear that kid is so slow sometimes. Anywho, they hit it off rather nicely, so we're going back there next Thursday. Maybe I could try singing a spanish karaoke song this time?

Songs Sung: "When a Man Loves a Woman" and "If I Had 1,000,000 Dollars"

RIP

2008-01-08T03:50:15Z

I heard a rumor that the tornado that tore through North-Western Illinois pretty much destroyed Edwards Apple Orchard. This is sad, but hopefully they'll rebuild and be awesome. Not sure if anyone got hurt due to afore-mentioned tornado, but I hope not. I'm also hoping that this is just a horrible rumor. If not, RIP Apple Cider Donuts! :(

Happy New Year's

2008-01-02T21:14:35Z

What a year that 2007...

During that year, I finally made the choice to make the leep and moved to Chicago, I lived the single's life for a while (well, sort of), and discovered the joys of cooking soups and Hamburger Helper. I helped countless people get through their difficulties and hardships in their lives, heard stories that rocked me to my core and taught me life lessons that only people who've been there can share. I laughed with people, I cried with people, and I've been with a family when they were told that their grandmother had just passed. I've watched as fathers were torn away from their daughters, and I've listened as people told me what they chose to give up in order to get high "one last time". I hugged people, I hit people, I kissed people, I fell for someone, I hated someone. I became close with a patient, I danced with her, I hugged her, laughed with her, even fought off the North as they tried to take her away in her sleep, and I stood in shock when I was told that she passed away. I was spit on, slapped, punched, scratched, stepped on, yelled at, and bullied. I watched my puppy finally learn how to play fetch, and I had a cat sleep on my face while I was sleeping under a coffee table.

So many ups and so many downs. I suppose that may define any year for most anyone, and as I sit here thinking back on the people I've met and the experiences I've shared with them and how I've changed because of them, I guess I can say that despite the pain and worry, 2007 was a great year.

As 2008 starts, and new opportunities have already begun to peer around the corner, I am hopeful that it will be as rewarding as 2007 and that maybe in a year, I will look back at the choices I made and feel as though I'm a better person for making them. Happy New Year everyone.

Rediscovered Post

2008-01-02T20:50:50Z

Ugh. Yep.

I feel like bitching about stuff...but where's the fun in that?

You definitely do not get slapped in the face with Christmas upon walking into my apartment. Mission failure :( I guess being poor limits amount of decorations you have access to. The lights that hang just low enough to almost hit the top of your head are awesome. I'm actually surprised by this, since our ceilings are like, 50 feet high. Slight exaggeration, but they're hella high.

Make love, not warcraft people!

I found my wool socks. I am a happy Boey. Don't ask, because I won't explain.

**This Is A Post I typed A Week Ago**

Grumpy

2007-12-14T07:55:50Z

Where to start. Ok, job doesn't start this Monday, but on Jan 7, which means I won't get a paycheck from it until close to Feb. *gets worried*. Supposed to work tomorrow morning, but car won't start. *freaks a little*. Haven't got money for Christmas gifts... *worries more*. Gets nudged a lot by annoying guys at concert tonight. *snaps*. Aaaaand so I elbowed the guy in his gut, and pushed him. He looked at me with a "wtf" face, and tried to make ammends by grabbing my shoulder and being all "hey man, jump around and blah blah". I told him to get the fuck away from me.

I was pissed because the concert was free, and they were giving out free cigs (I don't smoke, but I did find this funny, go go Camel sponsored event). The bands were alright "Holy Roman Empire", "These Arms are Snakes" and "Russian Circles" if you're interested, though the "Snakes" singer kept spitting on everything and stuck the mic down his crotch and then sort of...deep throated it. I thought this was gross, but the girls to my right seemed like they couldn't wait to line up outside of his van to...well...whatever... I guess what grosses someone out turns someone else on is the lesson here? That or they were some skank-ass girls. Either way. He sounded exactly like the singer from "Rage Against the Machine" complete with the voice synth he was singing into that distorted his voice, otherwise I would've at least given him points for trying something new. Well, spitting may or not may be new, but it was gross and he would spit in the air, and catch it and smear on something, or just spit on people in the front row... "Russian Circles" was awesome. They are just like Tool, but w/out any vocals at all. I have to respect a band that you find entertaining when they don't say a single word whatsoever. But then those assholes annoyed me and pissed me off, so I stopped listening to the band and couldn't get back into it, so I left early. At least I wasn't out any money. Fuckers.

On a sidenote, they are filming something down the street in Bucktown, and it has Patrick Swayze in it. He's looking old :( but I'd still do him. They were also filming something for A&E called "The Beast"?? Maybe it's one in the same, but I have no clue. I was mostly annoyed that I had to walk all the way around it all to get to the concert because God forbid I get close to "the set"...

I Was Told this is How It Works

2007-12-06T18:56:29Z

Ever had a moment when something people always used to tell you would happen...happens? Maybe it was your parents, or your friends, or whatever, but you hear it and you think "yeah, yeah, yeah", and then BAM! it happens. That kind of happened to me this week. In the past 5 days I've had 4 job offers and an e-mail from another job that I've chosen to ignore because the place is in Skokie, and that's a little far for my taste in a full time job, though it might pay well...it is in Skokie... Anywho, here I've spent months looking for something, anything, and all of a sudden, all at once, everything happens. My brother told me that's how it works, my parents told me that's how it always works, Jack at work told me that...but each time I was like "yeah, yeah, yeah" and I was about to lose hope when, BAM! it happened. I must say, it is nice to go from "I'll take anything I can get" to actually having a choice in the matter. Now if only this would happen with grad schools, then I'd be in business.

On another sidenote, things all in all have been going splendidly (that sounds...gay?). My friendship with Chrissy has been going well, I can say I'm spending time with her and not getting attached again and I think she's feeling the same way, which is definitely good news. Maybe we can just be friends after all. I guess it just takes time. Apparently she knows a hot spot for college girls and she's invited us guys to join her and the girls for a night out tomorrow. "The guys" (mike, lorenz, josh, mark, pernay) have been getting a little frustrated at the bar scene lately, as pretty much every girl we meet is like, 27 or so, and girls aren't too keen on dating a guy younger then them apparently. Or at least these girls haven't been. So, off to a college bar we go. At least being in a frat and being 23/24 will actually be a good thing for once :P I can honestly say everytime I mention that I'm a frat guy, I get laughed at, and vice-versa (sp?) when the girl mentions she's a sorority girl. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's just...I don't know...funny in a "yeah, I was that person, don't judge :P" type of way. It's all good, but college girls were always like "oh a frat, which one?" as it apparently makes you cooler or more popular depending on which house. Those were the days. Anyways, the guys are excited about it, I'm just looking forward to having a good time, as I don't think I'll be "spitting any game" for the moment. Things are nice where they are, and I wouldn't mind keeping it that way for a little while.

Knowing me though...it won't happen that way... :)

way too drunk

2007-11-21T10:29:41Z

Fuck it, I've typed about 30 different things here only to delete them all. An honest update:

Chrissy and I have been nothing for a while now, mostly due to my thick headed-ness. I tink we both need time apart for good, and if thins are meant to be, they'll be. If not, well, hopefully we'll be friends. Making me single, which honeslty, it's been a while since.

Being single...it's fun...but it sucks at the same time. I realize I'm way too picky with girls, and those who I meet, I realize i don't like becuase they were too easy to meet you know? Like Valerie. I meet her at the bar, she's great looking (though short), a good dancer, and interesting, but the fact that she was so into me was kind of a negative thing. It's weird, I know. Honesly, the ex-bartender at The Pint is by far my favorite female I've met in a while now. She's very funny, and interesting, gorgeous (omg), and I can honesly say I've been on the phone with her for hours not saying much and enjoying myself. But....there's always a but...she has a 3.5 year old boy....so...yeah...I guess that makes me shallow as hell. BUT! I've still been talking to her as much as i can, because honestly, she's awesome and i'm not going to give up on her so easily. maybe dating isn't the option, but being good friends is definteily something i'm striving for, but there is a thin line between friends who want more and just friends. I'm trying to flirt with that line...this may make me an asshole. If it comes down to it, i'll take just friends over nothing at all with her.

Then there's Kim. Another girl I met at the bar (another bartender actually). Here I thought picking up a bartender would be hard??? She's also gorgeous, but short. not much of a dancer, which sucks. not very interesting, which also sucks. and the dagger? she's a cocaine fiend. now, I may have been quite the slut back in college, but i do have standards, and when this came out, I have to say, it was more of a turn off than if I found out that she had a penis. seroiusly. Maybe im' a drug prude, but weed is as far as i'll go. I don't need that shit in my life. Did i just apologize for not watning to taek cociane? wow, i should go to bed.

Well, I just got out of the shower not too long ago because i walked home from the bar tonight, which took about 1.3 hours in the cold rain. If you got a call/text from me, it's because I wanted to talk to someone to take my mind off of shit, no worries. honestly, i don't remember who i called, and i probably won't remember writing this, so i hope you all read it before i sober up and delete it.

Not Sure

2007-11-13T09:27:20Z

To start, I'm pretty drunk at the moement, so exvuse my rambslings, and if you don't care, just don't read onward. Onwards and upwards! Though I guess it'ds downwords?

Anyways, tonight did not go so well as predicted. Chrissy and I are more horribly over than we were a few days ago, she won't even talk to me anymore. I don't know how this happens. I try to be a good guy, but I think I'm really an asshole with denial. I still have to call Caitlin back. I am a dick :(

On a sidenote, the bartender no longer works at the bar I've become accustomed to seeing her at, which is a sad note because she'd usually buy me a round and wait on me first if she saw me standing there. Time to find a new bar in my opinion (or imo if you're down). Eithere way, tonight was mostly a bust, and I'm kind of lost in thought about it. On one hand, I'm glad as hell that Jen did well in her test, I'm depressed because of what Chrissy and I went through, and I'm upset because guy's night got demolished due to talking with Chrissy about said incident, and also depressed due to favorite bartender quitting :( I think that's mostly a bad night, though I'll have to rethink about it tomorrow. Speaking of, I've once again reclaimed my insomnia, which I hope to hell goes away because it's annoying.

On a sidenote, I feel the need to talk to Carrie and apologize about somethings. Why do I always dwell on shit that I should let go?

I should sleep.

When a Song Sums it Up

2007-11-09T09:13:19Z

"I believe in the world right in front of me,
but now, along these empty streets
where this curse holds these memories of a man,
you know he's lost.

No time to think about it. No room to breathe.

If I had a way back, I'd ride through the dark and the door
(but please don't wait for me)
because the man you love don't live anymore.
I can't go home again.

Tonight you'll sleep.
You'll feel what might become of me, my dear.
Within these end old days where this longing turns
this man to pray and a love begins to die.

No time to live in the deep, girl,
I'm worth the second chance. (What have I done?!)
No time to think about it, no room to breathe!

If I had a way back, I'd ride through the dark and the door
(but please don't wait)
because the man you love don't live anymore.
I can't go home again."

It's an amazing song, I highly recommend it. "The End Chapter IV, The Road and the Damned" by Coheed of course. That's all I got at the moment. More to come soon I'm sure. And I'm fucking cold because I was standing outside for way too long tonight. Maybe next time I'll know better and bring a damn coat. :)

Good to be Home

2007-11-05T08:08:58Z

Feels good to be home again. Felt good to be at the parent's house too. Feels even better to eat delicious Apple Orchard donuts :) Feels good to have a night alone in the apartment. I swear, Mike has been here 24/7 for months. Not that I'm annoyed with him or anything, it's just nice to have the place to myself for once. I miss this time. This time that I use to listen to loud music while splitting up and seasoning pounds of meat...

I feel like I'm being productive tonight.